“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love”.  ~1 Corinthians 13:13

August 30, 2024

It’s been a little over one month since my John was so tragically and suddenly taken away from us. One month of tears, one month of heartache and one month of pain that just never seems to go away.

While I’m so angry about what happened to John, I still take time to thank God for all the love that has been shown to me from those both near and far and most of all, from above.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I firmly believe our loved ones who pass away send messages to us. We just have to be open to receiving them. John sent me a wonderful message today that turned my tears of sorrow into tears of joy.

It’s been a very rough day. I went to the grocery store, which I never like doing, to pick up a bag of potatoes for dinner tonight.

While listening to music in my car on the way home, “Missing You” a song by Brandy, Tamia, Gladys Knight and Chaka Khan, came on the radio. Of course, that made me think of John and the tears just wouldn’t stop.

I walked in the door with my bag of potatoes and Ronnie gave me a hug. Usually that would help me stop crying but for some reason it only made me cry even more. He’s so understanding and told me not to worry about fixing dinner.

“We could order out tonight” he said.

I shook my head no, because I already went to the grocery store so I may as well go ahead and make dinner.

I took the bag of potatoes over to the sink, wiped my eyes and washed my hands. Still thinking of John and trying to hold back more tears, I whispered “I love you and miss you so much.”

When I reached into the bag and pulled out the first potato to wash, I started crying even harder.

Ronnie looked at me.

I looked at him.

I then lifted my hand and showed him my message of love from John.

Just when I needed it most.

MJ Family L.O.V.E.

I’m a huge Michael Jackson fan. I’ve been a fan since the humble beginnings of the Jackson 5 and will continue to be until the day I die.

The Moonwalkers are an amazing group of fans from all over the world that continue to share not only a love for Michael and his music but also his message which has always been L.O.V.E.

My fellow Moonwalkers have been so supportive since John was murdered. They not only showed support by donating to my GoFundMe which helped lay my son to rest but also send messages to check on me and provide words of encouragement.

They have also sent me presents wrapped in L.O.V.E. so I have to take a minute to show how much they love me!

First up is Ron Pia and the We Are The World Facebook Group

Ron is an amazingly dedicated Michael Jackson fan and does wonderful things for the fan community. He’s the creator of the Michael Jackson – We Are The World Facebook Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/275858221000987/).

Every year on Michael’s birthday, Ron makes a trip to Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale CA where Michael is buried and delivers individual flowers from Moonwalkers all over the world. He places them outside Michael’s window which is located in the Holly Terrace Mausoleum.

This year, he not only brought birthday flowers to Michael from Moonwalkers all over the world but also included special roses and a sunflower to honor John.

He then placed John’s flowers with all the others under Michael’s window.

The beautiful Chrystal Lee is another member of the Michael Jackson We Are The World Facebook Group, who lives in Antwerp Belgium. Chrystal has kept in constant contact with me via Facebook since the loss of my beloved son. She sent me another love package which left me speechless and brought me to tears.

Inside the card that bears the Madonna with child on the front reads:

Dear Shari,

I think of you every day and hope you can feel comfort in the idea that the MJ family is always here for you.

I send you my love and strength.

Chrystal Lee

In addition to the beautiful cards, and MJ contents, the package contained several items that have blessed my soul and brought some comfort to my broken heart:

1. A crucifix made out of wood from Bethlehem, blessed by the highest priest of Our Lady Cathedral located in Antwerp Belgium, in John’s name and his memory.
2. A Kathedral guide and incense of their holy Virgin to keep me in a blessed state of mind. The incense truly smells divine
3. A beautiful angel and butterfly handmade by nuns (both are my favs) and love hearts, which were all also blessed, and symbolize my eternal connection to John
4. Some MJ items including two beautiful wooden pictures of Michael Jackson.

As I was looking at all the beautiful contents from the package, Michael Jackson’s favorite song “Smile” started playing on my phone.

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by

If you smile with your fear and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.”

I sighed and said, “I’m trying to Michael, but it’s just so damn hard. I miss my son.”

MJ Moonwalkers Stationhead Love

Next is my Moonwalkers Stationhead Family. The Moonwalkers Stationhead Channel is a radio show on the Stationhead platform that features Michael Jackson music and live broadcasts. 

Lead by DJ’s Jennifer Jackson, Raye Schmidt, Aquarius_Future and the late, great Melanie Freeman, this station is a positive and loving place to go when you want to listen to the King of Pops timeless music.

I was, again, surprised to receive a box of L.O.V.E. from my Moonwalkers Stationhead family and I appreciate everything so much, especially the book, Parents’ Grief, Daily Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Child.

If you have a premium Apple/Spotify account, I invite you to join us on the Moonwalkers Stationhead channel for great music and great conversation by clicking the link below

https://www.stationhead.com/c/moonwalkers

MJ Love From Lena

I met Lena in The Michael Jackson Book Club on Facebook, of which I’m an Administrator (https://www.facebook.com/groups/mjbookclub)

Lena has a passionate love for Michael that is very endearing. She took a recent trip to California to visit many places related to Michael Jackson, including Neverland Ranch where he lived and loved for so many years.

She knows how I’ve been struggling with the death of my son and how much I love Michael, so she decided to pick a few wildflowers growing outside the gates Neverland. She then sent me a resin necklace made with the flowers she picked so I’ll always have a piece of Michael and Neverland with me

MJ Love From The UK

My dear friend Dee, from Michael Jacksons Legacy (MJL), of which I’m also a part of, planted a tree in John’s memory.

Michael Jacksons Legacy is a charitable organization that continues Michael Jackson’s humanitarian work.

MJL has been in operation since 2011, and is still going strong, but welcomes donations to continue their mission by focusing on issues that Michael cared deeply about, such as children’s welfare, environmental protection, and ending unnecessary suffering. 

Welcome to Michael Jackson’s Legacy

Heal LA Love

Last but certainly not least is the love I received from the non-profit organization Heal Los Angeles Foundation, founded by the King of Pop’s son, Prince Jackson and John Muto.

Just when I think I have no more tears left to cry, my MJ Family seems to squeeze more out of me. This Heal LA care package, along with a beautiful card with a very touching message, arrived after Prince Jackson and John Muto heard about John’s murder.

This is why I’m proud to be a Michael Jackson fan. MJ passed down principles and values to his children which are more precious than gold; Take time to heal the world by touching those in need with L.O.V.E.

I encourage everyone to support Prince and John’s charitable organization Heal Los Angeles Foundation because as you can see, they truly care about healing the world and making it a better place.

Home

John knew all about my love and dedication to Michael Jackson and I’m sure he’s happy to see all the love my Moonwalker family is giving me in my time of need.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

August 25, 2024

I came home from Church today just in time to receive an unexpected phone call from Commander John Moore at Columbus Downtown High School (CDHS).

Commander Moore was John’s teacher in the Columbus Public Safety Law Enforcement Program at CDHS when John attended the school in 2014. John absolutely loved the Law Enforcement Program and Commander Moore was one of his favorite teachers.

Commander Moore saw the story about our candlelight vigil on the news last night and was shocked and saddened by John’s tragic passing.

During our conversation he shared some memories of John. He remembers John as a fine young man and one of his best students. Because of this, he asked if we could bring a picture of John to the school.

I didn’t know why he wanted a picture, but he quickly answered the question before I had a chance to ask and told me the reason why.

He explained “John’s exemplary character is an example for all current and future students to follow and we would like to honor John by hanging a picture of him on the wall of CDHS.”

Of course, I said, “Yes”.

What an honor this is, especially for John, who always said he wanted to be remembered as a positive role model.

I know he’s smiling down from Heaven!

We chatted for a few more minutes and made plans to meet him at school tomorrow, during lunch period, to drop off John’s picture.

August 26,2024

Today we met with Commander Moore to drop off John’s picture to be displayed at Columbus Downtown High School.

It’s been eleven years since we last saw him but honestly, he hasn’t changed one bit. He’s still the warm hearted, stern yet encouraging man we remembered him to be when he was John’s teacher so many years ago.

Commander Moore was kind enough to give us a few pictures taken of John at Columbus Downtown High School when he was a student and two t-shirts from the program as well.

Looking at these pictures brought back so many great memories. It was a time when John was beginning to find his path in life, and a time when we were watching him grow from a boy into a man.

These pictures will always hold a special place in my heart.

“John will always be remembered by our program. He is still FirstAndFinest4Life” ~ Commander John Moore

As I was posting about our visit to Columbus Downtown High School on Facebook, the following post came across my timeline from John’s employer Highland Protection LLC:

John, “One Team, One Fight. You’re gonna be missed”

That post brought tears to my eyes.

As you can see, John was born with protection on his mind. It was in him from the very beginning when he would line up Gi-Joes all around his bedroom at night to protect him while he slept. It continued on into his teenage years when he enrolled in the Law Enforcement program at CDHS and became a City of Columbus Police Explorer, riding along with the police to keep our communities safe.

The post from Highland Protection shows this mindset stayed with him until the day he died.

I wish John would have been able to protect himself that night. I’m sure he did the best he could, but he didn’t have a chance when his killer had a gun and all he had were his legs when he tried to run.

As I’m writing this, I’m trying to find solace in knowing that he’s now watching over us from heaven and I’m sure he’s protecting us from above. But I must be honest, as nice that sounds, I’d rather have him down here with me.

I love you, John.

August 24, 2024

I slept more last night than I have for the past three weeks so I woke up more refreshed. Cindy was in the kitchen making coffee when I woke up, so I went down to the kitchen to eat a light breakfast with her. I still didn’t have much of an appetite but tried to eat something every day.

I told her I was nervous about the news coming to the vigil tonight.

She replied, “You’ll be fine. Remember this is for John. He’ll help you.”

We arrived at Glen Rest at 6:30, to lay a few flowers on John’s grave and shortly after, others started arriving with their balloons. Channel 4 reporter, Brett Mills, arrived around 6:45 with his camera operator in tow.

He greeted us with a handshake and a warm smile. Brett explained they would be off to the side filming the vigil and to just act like they weren’t there.

“Yeah right!” Is what I thought but said “Okay.”

He then asked if he could interview me and Ronnie for the broadcast. I gulped and said “yes,”

To be honest, I don’t remember everything I said. I just remember saying, “Put the guns down and walk away. Walk away. Don’t Kill. Don’t kill.” of which part of it was the headline for the news story.

After our interview, which took place before the candlelight vigil began, I actually forgot the camera was there. The emotions and love took over. It was so beautiful and heartwarming. Many in attendance spoke and shared memories of John and of course, I cried along with everyone else.

Ronnie spoke to the children in attendance and asked what they wanted to be when they grew up. There were many answers including doctor, lawyer, astronaut, model and veterinarian.

He told them “You can do anything you want as long as you believe in yourself. The key is to stay focused and stick to it. Don’t let anything or anyone distract you to do things against the law because distractions can change the trajectory of your life, just like it did for the young man’s that took John away from us.”

The vigil was beautiful. Many in attendance spoke and shared memories of John and of course, I cried along with everyone else.

Here’s a few pictures from the Vigil and Balloon Release for John:

We returned home from the vigil around 10pm and watched a little TV to help unwind from the emotional day. The show was on the the channel which covered our vigil and at the end of the show, we heard the announcement, “coming up, friends and family gathered together tonight to mourn the loss of a man who was killed in a shooting last month…” I immediately got a lump in my throat.

“Hear we go” I thought. “I hope I can handle this.”

I watched with tears in my eyes and after it was over, I smiled as I said to my sister-mom,” I didn’t do so bad after all. I’m glad they were there to capture everything we did in memory of John.”

She smiled back and said, “It was great! I’m so proud of you.”

I will continue to be John’s voice.

His death will not be in vain.

Click the link below to watch our interview and read the news story:

‘Walk away, don’t kill:’ Family speaks out against gun violence at son’s vigil”

https://bit.ly/41vzyUQ

https://www.nbc4i.com/video/vigil-held-for-john-wilks/9983352

August 22, 2024

I received a text from NBC Channel 4 which took me by surprise. They covered the story of John’s murder, found out about our Candlelight Vigil and wanted more information as they were interested in attending. They also wanted to record it to appear on the news.

As previously stated, I’m a behind the scenes type person and don’t like being put in the spotlight, or speaking in public so, I wrestled with what to do.

My mind kept saying, “This is not you. You hate when attention is put on you and especially speaking in public” but my heart said, “This is not about you. This is for John. Remember, you are his voice now.”

My heart won.

I responded to their text with the Vigil information and let them know we would be arriving at Glen Rest Cemetery at 6:30pm. The vigil would begin at seven.

Nervous is an understatement to describe what I felt but like clockwork, my sister-mom would be flying in the day before the Vigil to attend and as usual, calm my nerves.

August 20, 2024

Justice wants to do something special for her brother so she and my niece, Jalana, have been busy planning a candlelight vigil with balloon release for John. Jalana was very close to John ever since elementary school so I’m happy she’s able to help Justice organize the vigil.

When Justice let me know what she wanted to do for her brother, It warmed my heart. They were so close. I told her it’s a beautiful idea and I’m so proud of her for putting this together. All I have to do is show up, which is fine with me because to be honest, that’s just about all I can do at this point.

Meanwhile my heart continues to mend, and I continue to cry at some point on a daily basis.

I miss my son.

More than words can ever say.

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway

And memories were a lane

I would walk right up to heaven

And bring you back again

No farewell words were spoken

No time to say goodbye

You were gone before I knew it

And only God knows why

My heart still aches with sadness

And secret tears still flow

What it meant to lose you

No one will ever know

But now I know you want me

To mourn for you no more

To remember all the happy times

Life still has much in store

Since you’ll never be forgotten

I pledge to you today

A hallowed place within my heart

Is where you’ll always stay

August 19, 2024

Today I received a letter from the Franklin County Forensic Science Center which starts out with:

“Please accept our deepest sympathy on the loss of your loved one John L. Wilks”

It went on to give instructions on how to submit a request for a copy of the Coroner’s report of John’s autopsy and stated the process to complete the Coroner’s report can take up to 6 months from the date of death, however, in most cases this process takes 3-4 months.

There were also instructions how to obtain a copy of John’s death certificate.

I folded the letter up and put it back in the envelope.

I’m not ready for this.

I’ll submit my request another day.

August 16, 2024

I made it out of bed today and ventured downstairs to the Living Room. I was sitting on my couch looking at the dust that had formed on my coffee table.

“I really need to clean my house” I thought and changed positions on the couch. I don’t feel like doing it today.

I then heard Ronnie answer his phone, followed by what seemed to be a detailed conversation.

Naturally, that piqued my curiosity, so I stood up and started walking toward the Family Room where he was, but he had ended the call and met me halfway as he was on his way to talk to me.

“Who was that on the phone?” I asked.

He smiled and said, “That was the Prosecutors office letting us know the person of interest has now been charged.”

“Oh really? Good.” I replied.

I want everyone related to this case to be held accountable for their actions, both seen and unseen.

I know it won’t bring John back.

I just want justice for my son.

The only true victim is him.

August 15, 2024

I saw this on my Facebook feed today and immediately started to cry because it’s so damn accurate!

This is me right now.

An empty soul.

In some sense, this will be me for the rest of my life because a piece of me is forever missing.

My son is dead.

I began to wonder, how many mothers feel the exact same way I’m feeling right now?

I bet there’s too many to count.

The loss of any child is absolutely terrible but when you lose your child to murder, it’s absolutely horrific.

August 15, 2024

I saw this on my Facebook feed today and immediately started to cry because it’s so damn accurate!

This is me right now.

An empty soul.

In some sense, this will be me for the rest of my life because a piece of me is forever missing.

My son is dead.

I began to wonder, how many mothers feel the exact same way I’m feeling right now?

I bet there’s too many to count.

The loss of any child is absolutely terrible but when you lose your child to murder, it’s absolutely horrific.

August 14, 2024

Another day of lying in bed crying.

This makes the third day in a row.

I don’t feel like doing anything but lying around in my pajamas all day.

I drift in and out of sleep and when I wake up, my pillow is wet.

So many tears. They just don’t stop flowing.

I miss my son.

I get up and go to the kitchen. I need to get something to eat. I know I need to eat. I open the refrigerator door, but nothing looks appetizing, so I just grab a bottle of cranberry juice.

I sit down at the Kitchen table and start looking at some of the condolence cards we received and come across one of my favorites titled:

Remembering Their Beautiful Song

I received so many lovely cards in the past two weeks and am grateful for them all, but this one from my FCOG Master Life Sisters touched my heart in a very special way.

These beautiful ladies have been an amazing prayer and support system for well over a decade, and I appreciate them now more than ever.

John, I will forever carry your beautiful song in my heart.

August 11, 2024

Those who take the life of another never think about the pain it leaves behind. The decision they make in one instant alters the lives of a victim’s loved ones for a lifetime.

Yes, I’m angry and very sad, especially when I read this post from Tiffany who is the mother of John’s daughter, my adorable eight-year-old granddaughter.

Think before you shoot!