December 24, 2025

Lord, please give me strength.

This is even harder than Thanksgiving.

December 23, 2024

As we get closer to Christmas, I’m getting even more emotional. No writing. Just crying so I thought I would share a few pictures of John as a child at Christmas.

He should still be here.

December 22, 2024

A couple weeks ago, I had my little buttercup (John’s daughter) spend the weekend at our house.

She’s so excited about Christmas and was telling me all the things she wants Santa to bring her. She asked what I wanted for Christmas.

I told her I wasn’t going to celebrate Christmas this year in that way. I’ll celebrate Jesus but I don’t want any presents, and I wasn’t putting up a tree.

Her eyes opened wide as she asked, “Why not, MiMi?”

“Because I miss your daddy and feel a little sad. I just don’t feel like celebrating Christmas this year.”

She looked at a picture of John sitting on my piano, gave me a hug and said, “MiMi, we have to celebrate Christmas, daddy’s still here. He’s all around us.”

She continued, “I’ll put up the Christmas tree for you and you can help if you want.”

My heart instantly melted.

I looked into her beautiful little eyes and thought to myself, I can’t take the joy of Christmas away from her just because I don’t have it in me. So, we made plans for her to come over this weekend to put up my tree.

In the meantime, I purchased a few presents especially for her and wrapped them before she came over so, they’ll be presents under the Christmas tree.

We played a little Christmas music (The Jackson 5 Christmas album, of course!) and she went to work, only asking for help when it was needed.

Afterwards, we drank hot chocolate sitting in front of the tree.

I love my little Buttercup.

“And a child shall lead them.” ~Isaiah 11:6

December 21, 2024

In 2023 there were 151 homicides in Columbus Ohio, 85% of those victims died from gunshot wounds.

In January 2024, Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children launched a new initiative, ‘Operation Under Triple Digits’, to keep Columbus homicides under 100 in 2024.

As of December 17, 2024 there have been 121 homicides in Columbus Ohio. My son, John Wilks, was the 61st homicide victim this year. He died on July 28, 2024 at 10:25 PM from gun violence (7 shots in total)

While the ‘Operation Under Triple Digits’ initiative may have fallen short of it’s goal in 2024, there has been a decrease in Columbus homicides from last year which demonstrates their efforts were effective and these brave Mothers definitely deserve to be commended.

Let us all pray, starting TODAY, this year’s homicide number in Columbus Ohio stays at 121

Keep Fighting Columbus! Not ONE MORE IN 2024!

We’ll soon close this chapter and begin a new year. With that come a new motto as quoted by Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children Co-Founder Malissa Thomas – St-Clair ….

“LET’S STAY ALIVE IN 2025!”

December 20, 2024

In addition to becoming actively involved with MOMCC, I have decided 2025 is the time to seek some support for my grief.

I saw this post in the MOMCC Facebook Group today and immediately signed up!

GRIEF2HOPESUPPORT.COM

“Within every individual lies the strength to rise above the pain of loss and create a life filled with purpose, joy and hope.” Grief2Hope

I registered for this free 7-week grief program beginning January 9th and I’m ready to start healing one day at a time.

There are several sessions throughout the year so you can register anytime for the online session.

Also, it’s FREE, so if you’re interested in attending, click the link below.

Grief2HopeSupport.com

December 17, 2024

2025 RESOLUTION

I’m happy to say I’m getting to know many mothers in the group, Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children, I joined last month, and feel like I’m fitting in. I believe I’ll be able to fulfill some of the promises I made to John via MOMCC, so it’s time to come from behind the computer screen.

I’m making an early resolution:

In 2025 I will begin to actively put my pain into purpose with Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children

Violence, especially GUN VIOLENCE has got to STOP!

#JusticeForJohn https://www.mothersofmurderedcolumbuschildren.com/

December 15, 2025

Two steps forward. One step back.

It’s a lie in bed and cry all day Sunday.

I attended Church online because I just didn’t feel like being around anyone today.

I miss my son.

December 8, 2024

Today is worldwide candle lighting day. Worldwide candle lighting day is observed on the second Sunday of December in remembrance for all deceased children.

Everyone all over the world is invited to light a candle for a deceased child at 7:00pm.

As candles are lit on December 8th, 2024, at 7:00 pm local time, hundreds of thousands of people commemorate and honor the memory of all children gone too soon.

I asked all of my family and friends to light a candle with me in memory of John, and for those who have, I truly thank you.

December 5, 2024

Jesus is the reason for the Season.

I have always believed that to be true when it comes to Christmas and still do, so of course, this Christmas, I will celebrate Jesus. But I’m not planning on celebrating the commercial side of Christmas this year.

I’ve tried to get in the Christmas spirit, but the Christmas spirit is not in me.

I’m not putting up a tree.

I’m not shopping.

Christmas just doesn’t feel like Christmas.

Why would it?

My son was murdered.

I won’t get that “Merry Christmas Momma” text. Followed up by his call to see when dinner will be ready. Or be able to watch him pile his plate with food to take home.

He won’t be stopping by.

Christmas just doesn’t feel like Christmas, and I just don’t feel like celebrating.

My heart is heavy.

I’m down, defeated and depressed.

All I want to do is cry.

I really wish my mother could come down from heaven and give me a hug right now.

I need her to tell me everything will be alright.

December 3, 2024

I haven’t been writing very much since Thanksgiving. I usually try to write something every day but haven’t had the mental strength to do it.

My first major holiday without John was rough. My sister-mom always tells me to give myself grace.

“You are way too hard on yourself, Shari”, she always says.

My mom used to say the same thing.

I guess that’s why I call Cindy, my sister-mom.

I know I should be more forgiving of myself when I’m struggling, and boy am I struggling right now.

But it’s so hard.

The most difficult part for me on this roller coaster ride called grief, is regret. There were warning signs leading to John’s murder, but I didn’t take them as seriously as I should have. Living with his girlfriend had always been chaotic. One minute they’re up. The next minute they’re down. Then for a time it would be smooth sailing. Until the next tsunami.

I had no idea who this eighteen-year-old kid was when he entered onto the scene, but I do remember him entering because that’s when things began to get much worse. There were two occasions when John had to come back to our house because of trouble with that kid. John did not want him around but that didn’t stop him from coming, or from her allowing him in that house. I will speak the truth from my point of view and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem. This blog is about my personal experience as I tried to deal and heal from my son’s murder.

I was the one who saw knots on my son’s head from altercations with Miller the Killer several weeks before he was. John had a RIGHT to say who he wanted coming in and out of his house and his stance shouldn’t have been ignored. It was totally disrespectful to him as a man. She should have LISTENED to him.

I tried to stay out of his business. John was no longer a child. He was a man now, and in his late twenties. There comes a time when a mother has to step back and let her son become the man he’s meant to be. That’s what I was trying to do the last several years of John’s life.

Had I known stepping back would result in him no longer being here, I would’ve stepped right back in.

I would have listened more.

I would have loved harder.

I would have rescued him.